Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in youdontknowco's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
11:35 pm	... its a random wednesday night of drinking, everyones partying in the kitchen, im bored, im tired of work, i miss jon...two weeks till tour is over..and then what? wish my life wasnt so dependent on those two weeks...i know im secretely holding out for finding a band because he and i have soo many songs that would kick ass, and i cant use them or teach them to some new random guitarist..too much work when i already found the guitarist i want. the thing is no matter how i sing guys have some problem in san diego with playing for a female singer..weakkkk, thats dum,, dont they know that the people are looking for something new? ie..not the same old screaming emo guy front man..hello? im i alone in these ideas? im tired going to bed..emo (Comment on this)
Friday, May 6th, 2005
10:27 am	one down six to go so...the tour is officially 1/6 th over..too bad that is not comforting yet...maybe when its say 5/6ths i can actually get excited. fortunately i have a million other things to do than worry about jon on tour...ie the electronic music festival im performing in this sat, or the music theory compostition i wrote and need to rehearse by tuesday, or the geology test comming up, or the music theory final that is going to kick my ass...but...sooooon and very soon it will all be over and i can finally breathe! then comes vegas with the girls and some serious party time. i think officially after that..lets say the last week of may, i can find some time in my busy schedule to miss you. i know your laughing at me trying to reassure myself but hey. a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. one down six to go. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 7th, 2005
11:05 am	manic monday this weekend was exactly what i needed. my family and jon. that is all. i seriously could have turned off my cell phone and just been in my own little world. forget san diego and all my responsibilities. sorry to any friends whose phone calls i ignored this weekend but when im home i want to be alone with just my simple kind of life. my lil sis's 14th bday and falling asleep with jon. that is all. playing golf at night and getting lost in the snow....and then the wake up call. i drove home last night at 10 pm from hollywood. i waited 6 hours from jons sound check and then couldnt even stay to watch the show, i felt like i was going to fall asleep at the wheel. thank god he called me to keep me up. but now im here again. at school in the library where i sit in silence wondering why i am here with no friends to talk to, ill go home to an empty house cuz i never know where my roomates are. then off to work again. then home to my roomates who are already asleep. how lonely. why cant things be as easy as they are when i go home. maybe this place isnt as fun as i always convinced myself it was. or maybe i just need you here with me. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
11:11 am	today was a good day it stopped raining. not that i dont love the rain, but it the sun did feel good on my freezing sickly skin. im in the library with the rest of those computer addicted students who would rather be on the internet than studying music theory. but i feel it may be a good day today.so its only really begun yet i have the feeling it will be an upper. had a heart to heart with you know who and for the first time i went to bed with puffy eyes and a soggy pillow but woke up with a smile. i feel like things may start to get better for me. and in turn for him. but mostly for us. we need a happy us. thats an optimistic statement, and for those of you who know me is not very common. for the first time in six days i didnt have a nightmare about someone stabbing themselves or falling off a cliff or committing suicide or getting stuck in an elevator with a baby in my arms. so random. just pure strange sleep. it was awesome. i hope you are ready to continue the cure. i get to go to class tonight instead of work. that seems like a simple and strange pleasure now a days. but watching foreign films is so much more refreshing then serving food to fat lazy rude americans who dont tip well. i cant say its more entertaining, but definately less stressful. im off to watch a string ensemble of bach or some other famous composer. seems halfway interesting today, thats a good sign. ps. i love you nevada. ps. wait for the horses. they are not on the computer. Current Mood: hopeful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
3:47 pm	ill buy you stamps ill buy you stamps when youre away so that i know where you wake up that day youll send me postcards to remind me you still care a small void to fill your absence so that id feel like i was there ill save them in a book compiled of those thoughts i keep and recite to myself so they are never lost in loud conversations miles away over broken phrases that youre okay until you return to all thats changed we'll pretend everythings the same (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
1:38 pm	yesterday was just another day yesterday was just another day as i fought my tired mind and achy limbs to lift myself from my bed on the floor. i put on my red festive undies and a pair of old jeans with a tee shirt i got from italy when we went to europe together this summer. threw on some makeup, thought about doing my hair but decided against it. it was late. i had no one to impress. skipped breakfast and was relieved when i sat in the seat of my car. i had accomplished getting myself ready, now i just needed to make it to school. i almost missed the turn because i felt like driving. driving all the way up to simi valley. grabbing my boyfriend out of his stuffy office and taking him somewhere far away where we could lay around all day and do nothing together. celebrate why we love eachother. i fought myself once again. i hate doing that. went to school and fought my eyes to stay awake while listening to my teacher preach about the importance of voicing chords without direct or parrallel fifths. music theory doesnt sit well with me. only two more semesters of college. that is if i pass. went to natural disasters. my last GE credit. watched a movie about earthquakes. they showed the northridge one. i remember that day while everyone in class saw the images on screen i was reliving that awful day. i felt alone in my memory. waited around for two hours listening to my ipod and watching people walk by. fell asleep on a chair in the library. some girl sitting next to me kept staring at me. i think my music was really loud. i didnt care. she got up and walked away. another girl sat down, got up, moved the chair farther away from me. whatev. went to sing vivaldi in my ensemble class. i forgot how much i love to sing. its such a release. no matter what it is. you just have to be comfortable with how you sound and then you will love it. if people werent so uptight id sing every where i went loud and clear and wouldnt care. in fact i think id be a lot less depressed. well anyway i left school. took a nap for about 23 minutes, got ready for my first night as a server at BJs. it was cool i guess, some rude customers, got pretty good tips. they felt sorry for me because i was the one working on valentines day i think. i was the last one there. went to my car. my phone had 3 missed calls from my boyfriend. the first message was sweet. the second was concerned. the third was scared. i thought it was cute. i seem to forget im not the only one who worries in this relationship. im happy he was worried about me. is that wrong? well no one saw the cute red undies. but at least i knew he wished he had been there for me. sometimes things dont work out as planned but i guess thats what keeps us motivated to do it better next time. Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 10th, 2005
10:23 pm	tipsy im tipsy but... i had a life realization talk with my roomate and its gerat to taljk to people have similar perspectives on life . i miss the good old days when luife was simple. friends were close. my world was small and comforting. now i see how big the world really is. and how small our little lives really are. i love living with four such different people who share the same love for life and fun. disscussing love, politics and anything else and hearing four different opinions is what makes moving out so important. im sad that most of my old friends will never experuience the true college life of living on your own and being put into a strange and new enviornment forced to grow uop, but faced with challenges that shape who you will really become, not your just like your parents or a new version of a young you, but a person with your own thoughts and ideas of the world. i respect that. i miss my old friends but feel a certain distance because of this experience that i can never explain to one who has not been in my shoes. i cant believe its almost over. what next? i miss m,y boyfriend who is just begginning his journey. i hope the gap is not to far. it is hard when the gap is made by girls five years younger than me. clouding his thoughts of high school affairs, things that are far in my past now. i think i feel old now. but im not. one month to my twenty first bday whoo hoo. i feel like ive learned so much yet i still dont know where i m going. hopefully it is a track where music and jon intertwine. after all it isnt the road you choose, but the people you choose to walk with. Current Mood: contemplative (3 Comments |Comment on this)
6:33 pm	so here i am so this is me. hope this amuses you. today i worked all day training to serve food to rude people. hope the tips are good. i had some guy tell me after he ordered a bunch of food that he thought it was complimentary. when i came out of the kitchen he had left the resturaunt. what is with people????? then i gave my food to a homeless man on the corner while driving home from a long day of work. he probably could have made more money working than begging, but to each their own i guess. something in his face was convincing. after all i guess i owe myself an empty stomach tonight. i missed ash wednesday. guilt. right now i am listening to death cab. yesterday i turned it up and listened to it on the steps of the drama building. a half hour later i forgot where i was until i woke up from my daydream. people were passing me and staring at me. is it that weird to sit in the middle of campus and do nothing? i guess i was "in it" watching people walk to the beat of we looked like giants. today i got a package in the mail of sees candy. my mom will always be my valentine fairy. i need a drink. Current Mood: drunk (2 Comments |Comment on this)